The Truth

8 May

It’s been over 6 months since I made a post on the blog. It’s not because I haven’t had anything to say and it’s not because I’ve had a baby and now all of a sudden I’ve forgotten about my blog. Apart from the fact that I managed an exhibition in the Fringe Festival, planned and ran my first few workshops in over 2 years, went on a trip to Adelaide AND have been caring for a baby – who is now 9 MONTHS OLD! Apart from all of that…

I’ve been dealing with something that is too hard to explain. Normally all you badasses hear it straight, I tell things to you straight, even when it’s not pretty or when I’m not proud of myself. But now, what’s been going on for me is so personal… so confusing that I just can’t seem to get it straight in my own head first before explaining it out loud. Definitely not something that I’m used to struggling with.

Many times I’ve started to write, with the intention of sharing my situation but I end up just freezing and no words come. This has been blocking me for so long now that I think it’s best just to address it, share what I can and move on. Hopefully I’ll be able to get back into the swing of things and keep the momentum going (you know that comments always get me going). So let me just say this: I had a more difficult time with childbirth than I let anyone know (a true hardass). I did not recover well. Everyday I am reminded of this. And even though I am feeling much better and will continue to do so I feel that it’s important to tell you the truth. The truth is… sometimes I will tell you that I’m fine – when actually I’m not.

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One Response to “The Truth”

  1. Casey Conroy May 9, 2013 at 1:38 am #

    How cool that you’ve had to courage to say this clearly! You’ve been through so much. Perhaps the challenges of the last year or so have been a gift to bring more awareness to this tendency of yours.

    Inappropriately saying “I’m fine” when I’m not seems to be something that tumbles out of my mouth more often that I care to admit, too. We are creatures of conditioning and even us badasses are somewhat influenced by the artificial matrix etc…. but that doesn’t mean we can not and should not be aware of our damaging tendencies.

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