Archive | March, 2010

I want to be bad

15 Mar

You probably know by now that I enjoy things that are somewhat on the edge of ‘normal’ and ‘good’. I question traditions and systems and think some rules are stupid.

I’ve made it my life purpose to have enjoyable experiences, whether legal/approved of/popular or not – with the main goal of avoiding the three B’s: boring, blindfolded and braindead. And just a note – by blindfolded I’m referring to avoiding or being totally unaware of things: people, consequences, reality, the rest of the world… truth. Give me the truth. I want it.

Then give it to people who don’t want it so they can stop faking it. Please.

I’ve had a few fake moments recently and I’m not too proud of it. More on this in a post in the very near future.

Anyway back to rules being stupid. Self imposed rules cause us great discomfort: I should be perfect, I need to be liked my everyone and happy all the time, I won’t feel better until xxx, people should read my blog. I have plenty of these beliefs ruling my life at any given moment, as most of us do – and even though I know they are there and they are absolute shit I still live my life by them as if they were actually true.

Considering that I understand what is happening is when I get upset by these rules – I’ve started to enjoy the discomfort and use it to get over the issue once and for all. Searching for the truth rather than pretending that the lies are real only to hold myself captive in a world of pain when things don’t go ‘my way’.
No thanks.

It’s funny that I enjoy challenging the rules set by other people but have been so happy to just go along with unhelpful rules that I’ve created for myself. It’s almost as backwards as Tasmania!

So I did break one of my own rules recently – the buying stuff rule…
Knowing that we had guests coming I stocked up on a few staples and things that were normally not on the allowed list: canned stuff etc. This was not really too bad but then yesterday I caved. I started think about taking food to work because I’m due to start full time work this week. Then I found a coles voucher in my wallet from xmas and that was then end of me, my experiment, the greater good – the lot.

I wanted instant noodles, Bob wanted ice-cream. It was like sneaking out of rehab, desperate for a hit – no concern for consequences or quality. Putting my hatred for supermarkets on hold while I buy SHIT. It honestly is shit. But I’ve been thinking – what’s so wrong with some shit once in a while? Shim’s were on special – what could I do?

A Tribute to Simon Gray – take 2

9 Mar

Found: Pen
Location: Yarra St, South Yarra – Just after the crazy hailstorm that had us stranded here

I wouldn’t normally associate with a pen of the ball point variety but this one has proven to be rather inky and smooth just like a good old felt tip. And it’s black – the best pen colour (never blue).

I hope doesn’t mind that I’m just completely stealing his idea of finding stuff and then blogging about it. With his approval I will continue to do so.

This post is for you

9 Mar

I thought I was so strong and tough, needing nothing and no-one. Out here on my own so far away with my books, crabs, garden and recipes for company (and my husband of course).

On the weekend I realised what I’ve been missing out on. I don’t notice it so much when I’m back here in my own little world but I’ve got a new found appreciation for spending time with you – all of you.

When I could see you all the time I just took it for granted and now seeing you is such a treat, it fills up my heart, brings out my joy and allows me to connect in ways that I thought didn’t matter – but now I know it does.

To look you in the eye, to touch you and be in your presence is just about the greatest thing ever. It’s what we work to earn money to have time for. This is it.

We might never live near each other again but I hope that we will always have the time and money to be together often.

You are quite possibly the greatest thing that has ever happened to me – all of you.

In the firing range

3 Mar

Yeah so I got fired. I was stoked to hear the news because I now have a cool story. I’ve never been fired before so it was actually quite exciting.

The situation was… I hated the job, I was looking for other jobs as well as sussing out working for myself and I wanted to quit but also didn’t want to lose the security of being employed in case all of these jobs I was applying for didn’t work out. It didn’t make any sense to me to take shifts and keep being trained to do a job I didn’t like or want to stay in but every time I spoke to Bob about quitting we couldn’t agree.

So… I did what every other confused bum would do – I avoided them. Childish I know. I didn’t want to but I felt torn… between my own beliefs and hassles about money. So I put off getting back to them for about two weeks. By that time I have applied for a fair few jobs and went to an interview for the position that I now have so I was feeling alright about leaving… and I got a dismissal letter in the mail.

I felt so many things all at once. Mostly relief but also rejection, regret and anxiety. But at the end of the day I am just really thankful for the experience. From now on I’ll be able to enjoy laughing about that time I got fired from a job I hated. I wouldn’t be this happy if I actually liked the job or was relying on the money.

But now I’m a full time goober. I’ll keep you posted on how that pans out.

Poo Bar

3 Mar

It’s true. I bought a bar of soap made for your hair.

I’m sure you’ve all been wondering how my hair is going. It’s been a while since I posted about it. Well here it is…

It’s a beauty. I bought it off etsy for a couple of bucks. It’s handmade, all natural, has no weird chemicals and virtually no packaging! I know that most shampoo bottles are recyclable but it’s far better not to create packaging in the first place, don’t you think? It still takes energy, time, money, people, carbon etc to recycle the thing so why not just avoid it?

So how does it perform?

It doesn’t strip the henna out of my hair like the baking soda did and it lathers up as if it were regular shampoo, it’s quite amazing. It is mega drying for my hair though – just after I use it I feel as if I’m about to dread up! So I’m pretty reliant on conditioner to balance me out again. I have heard of conditioner bars but most have crappy SLS in them. I am enjoying the novelty of rubbing a bar of soap on my head though.

If I can find a good conditioner alternative then I will probably get another one if this one ever runs out. At this rate it will last 3 or 4 months at least! Bob uses it every day and he loves it. I only wash my hair once a week or so. I’d love to go for longer but life just gets in the way.

AND now that I have a JOB I guess I’ll have to keep on top of it. No more hair experiments for the next little while.